20 June 2011

Eternal Roam

So a lovely weekend has come and gone and I got to spend Father's Day with the most inspirational Dad in the universe, obviously that is my own biased opinion, and my beautiful sister. I really do feel blessed to have such an amazing, loving family. Sometimes I wonder what exactly I ever did to deserve these rocks in my life and I just spend everyday telling them I love them and thanking God for my wonderful magnificent family and just appreciate them. 

Today is June 20th 2011, today 2 years ago I joined a  massive group of friends and family in the worst news of many of our lives. We lost a very special and dear friend at a very young and it has been a rocky roller coaster ride of emotions. Ups and downs and turns and nauseating twists and heart breaking stops. It is one of the worst things in the world to experience and I think about him every day and where he'd be and what he'd be doing. Time never makes things easier, it never takes the pain away however Time will never take the memories away nor the special moments we were all lucky enough to share. Today 2 years ago my heart broke, shattering into a million pieces and my world momentarily ended, it's been 730.48 days and at moments- it's felt like yesterday but in those 700 and something days I have learnt a lot about myself and about others. You can never take something away that never really belonged to you in the first place, that he was a Son of the Earth and God's child who obviously needed him more than we did, that you have to find a way to deal with it yourself and to say goodbye in a way that works for you, I learnt that the Human spirit is one helluva thing and it takes a lot to break it, that people can get up and rebuild their lives long after they think they can't and that it is important to love and treasure those who have left footprints on your heart no matter how many or for how long, I've learnt that the one minute or so it takes to send a message or thought or give a call is one minute you'll never regret, I've learnt if you let something/ someone live in your heart they can never be taken away from you they become immortal because you'll always have the memories and experiences, I've learnt that no matter how angry you get at anyone or anything it won't bring them back all it does is decay your soul and you can not blame anyone for things you do not, yourself in fact, understand and I've learnt that time heals nothing- it only makes things a little more bearable and I have learnt that it is okay to fall apart to break and question and hurt and cry and feel like your world has ended and in turn to get back up bleeding and bruised, take a deep breath and try to walk again no matter how much it hurts, that sometimes the answers for your questions will never be clarified and that all you can do is carry on and stop asking. Today my thoughts go out to Sebastien's family and to all his closest friends and those that loved this special man, who we were all lucky enough to know, even for such a short time. He was the James Dean of his life too fast, too hard, too excessive, too young. We'll love you, always. 

This song makes me smile. One day, we all will walk with him again. 

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