24 May 2010

An Instance of this

It is crazy we are coming up to one year. You've been on my mind a lot lately. I want to know how you are, if you are happy, if you are lonely, and I would still like to know why you, you must know by now, why you were taken away and why when you left a lot of people lost a lot of themselves. You had this heart, which was just so big and loving and caring and trustworthy and you just had too much love to give everyone, too much love,  even when you hurt you found it in you to forgive and to love again. You were an inspiration to all who crossed your path, all who you touched, thank you for joining mine for so long and for leaving your footprints on my journey. Your presence is something i miss every single time I think about you. How your smile lit up any room and every one loved having you around because you just made every one so happy without even knowing or trying. I still battle to find the words most times, in fact I have been looking for them for a year and I am still no closer, feels like apart of me is still holding my breathe to wake up.  Seb, you are missed to every one who was blessed to know you.  I will be thinking about you a lot the next few days. Loving you always, you were our own living breathing James Dean, too much for this world she never quite knew what to do with you or how to handle your capacity. She couldn't take you or place you or show you. You showed her. I miss you my boy every day. Watch us all, and keep spreading your love. I could do with some of it now. Thank you for the memories Tamatie and for the smile that's still etched in my thoughts of you. God bless you Sebastien. Here is what I wrote to you a year ago. It still stands. Every. Single. Word.

As the sun rises to bring another day alive
I cant help but feel what I'm feeling inside
And I am so angry you never, you never survived
You were always the one who made people smile
And as the sun hits the ocean i forget life awhile
And I'm taken to a place where there's no today or tomorrow
A place so far away you don't feel any sorrow
A place where your smile move mountains and stars
And every song in my heart is played by your guitar

And then all of a sudden its gets very dark
And the truth and reality hits me so hard.
I feel like someone is squeezing my chest
So hard that it feels like I'm loosing my breath
I shake, my heart races, from this anxiety attack
It's real, your gone, and you're never coming back
Tears fill my eyes every time this occurs
And I search for answers which are all just blurs

Why, oh why, dear God did you take him away
He meant so much to everyone and they all feel this way
He had so much to do and so much to achieve
And he was the guy who epitomized 'Wear your heart on your sleeve'

There are so many feelings so much emotion inside
Anger and hate and confusion with tears cried
You have no idea how many hearts you touched,
How much your brought to each, and everyone of us

But life is a story with a begin and end
And we never quite know whats just around its' bend
No one really knows how long their book lasts
But only that there is an end, and there's a start
Yours was a great, huge, epic story which ran out of words and ended too shorty

Now as life moves on and time creeps by
We'll still think of you and probably still cry
They say that time heals, and it's going to be okay
But I still ask the question "Who are they'?"
They are people who have never lost
Cause we will still miss you at every cost
And I still can't believe, believe that you're gone
It's been over a month and it still feels wrong

But just so you know we'll never forget
All the memories we'll treasure without getting upset
So this is the final, the final goodbye
And every time we think of you we'll look at the sky
And as the wind blows and the sun rises and sets
There's no point being angry no point being upset
Because with the wind at our back and the sun on our face
We all know you've gone to a much better place

So our heads we'll lift and our eyes we'll dry
And we'll all meet again in that place in the sky
But until then we'll love you forever
And we'll think of your spirit and try to 
-Tammy Bell

19 May 2010

Delirious Artistry

Right. Its that time of the year again you know when the cherry blossom blows her confetti all over the road, every thing around you is getting laid, the birds chirp earlier that sun sets later, the alcohol flows easier, the hangovers become a way of life, the parks fill up, London commuters may even grace you with a smile, clothes become less complex. It's generally a lovely time of year on Mud Island.  The smell of, what my loss of cultural inheritance now calls a, BBQ, the sounds of laughter, the cursing of how your 'get in shape' new years resolution failed even though you could have sworn you vowed it a few days prior. But the best time of the year involves tents, bands, debauchery, a few chunders, the reminisce of your previous night in the form of UDI's         (unidentified drinking incidents), which ungracefully form a map cautioning you of the regret you will have on Monday morning back in the office after a weekend of hippy loving free for all fornicating fuckery. Nevertheless, the more you think the more you drink.  

So gumboots in hands, I shall pilgrimage off to the land of the unknown  searching for the answers to a few days of the simple life where sheeps are painted an array of colours, where getting lost in the forest is a way of life, where the music is coaxing you into her abyss by sweetly seducing you with her subtle sexiness and where for 72 hours you are euphoric.  I will be one of these people this year, I will be that person residing in a sweaty dirty tent with someone, groaning about how the noises in my head and constant throbbing have nothing to do with anything other than a lack of sleep and my views on cosmic affairs have now made themselves apparent after the remains of the previous nights altercations have yet to leave my head, all while other sweetly look at me emphasizing that they, in fact, too cannot comprehend the capacity of space or how our universe is nothing bigger than than one of the many grains of sand which have now taken residence on the floor of our tents and how it is insignificant in the greater scheme of things if we compare it to our surroundings we mean nothing. Bring of Festival fever.

2 May 2010

Black Mountain

This band. This Canadian band. WOW. I will let them speak for themselves.